before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
