I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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