I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
