I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
