Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
