If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
