and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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