the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
