thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
