I'm pants shitting drunk right now
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
