You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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