I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
