when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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