I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
