5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You need a sexual gate keeper
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
