I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
