Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
