It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
