Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
