Your tits are I can't wait for
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
