I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
