Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
