I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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