Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
