is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
