he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
