yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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