Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You may now shotgun with the bride
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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