A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
