if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
