I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
