Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
