you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
