Can i not drive my cunt home
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
