Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
