Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
