Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
