I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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