thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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