k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
