Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
