did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
