so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
