3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i think i have herpe
just one?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Randomize
