I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
