Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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