Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
