Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
