Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
