Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
