I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
