i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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