That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
