i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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